This is one of my favorite songs by Linkin Park, and I'm not over-fastidious about my music. That is to say, a dearth of dedicated WiFi bandwidth in my childhood trained me to commit myself to the delectable tastes of the more fortunate half of the world that contributed generously to provide seeds on torrents. It has resulted into my metamorphosis into an evolved being that respects the WiFi and refuses to exploit its powers, now that I have unrestricted access to a magnanimous 50MBPS internet plan.
It was close to six years ago that we decided to upgrade to a WiFi connection from the cables and dial-up connections that seemed to give the place a Stone Age-esque look. In a few days it was up and running and we marveled at the beauty of cutting-edge technology. Little did we know what was to come.
A few months in, I realized the speed was not quite what it used to be. Now, I was aware the billing cycle commenced on the fifth of each month and it was the sixth that day. So MTNL has a 24/7 helpline where, fortunately enough, executives actually pick up on the other end. Bewildered by the drop in speed, I dialed the fateful number that was to become an integral part of my daily routine, and asked them to check the connection. They said they would check it out and let me know. And that was the origination of my tryst with MTNL, WiFi speed, and destiny.
Over the years - and I repeat, years - I have called that solitary helpline up more times than I have called my own mother, father and brother combined. If I'd have been part of that coterie of seventh-graders that were privy to the world of dating and had a cell-phone *cue oohs and aahs from other intrigued seventh-graders* then I'm pretty sure my then-girlfriend would have broken up with me out of sheer suspicion. The frequency of my calls was such that if it hadn't been a toll-free number, I wager I'd have ended up selling the clothes off my back to pay for them. Of course the calls had no effect on the speed of the WiFi. The month passed with false assurances of the "system having a problem" and the "network connection having issues". And my WiFi remained devoid of the speed force (watch "The Flash", if you want to understand the reference). We tried everything, from opening tickets, raising complaints, to protesting in their offices. We called their technicians home more than we called our own relatives during the year, but to no avail.
Days passed by, turning into weeks, months and finally years, before we finally decided to follow their instructions and replace the entire WiFi line that came into our house. We bought a new router, much to the annoyance of my mother and glee of my father. She felt it was a waste of money. He agreed, but being a software engineer, there's always that lure of upgrading your lives into a new technological standard coupled with the desperate need for faster WiFi that led us to install CAT5 cables and overhaul the entire internet setup in the house. To our utter disappointment, we found no difference in the speed whatsoever. Frustration levels rose with the advent of more members of the family into the world of WiFi with the introduction of more smartphones into the family.
The final confrontation with MTNL occurred when we decided to switch to another service provider and called up MTNL for understanding the necessary procedure. They asked us what the issue was and upon summarizing the various Volumes in the MTNL saga, she asked me to hold for a minute.
I told her with wry laugh, "I've been waiting six years, ma'am. What's another minute to me."
"Thank you for staying on line, please check the internet speed once and let me know"
A futile exercise that I've been through more times than the number of breaths I've drawn (probably not a hyperbole), but what the heck. Let's give it another shot. My eyes popped out of their sockets when I saw the speed graph. It was an emotional moment. After all these years of waiting, it was finally right in front of me. I wouldn't put the possibility of a few tears behind me, but I managed to contain myself and uttered in a shaky voice, "Ma'am ..... how?"
"Sir, actually we had listed you correctly under the x MBPS plan, but somehow the system had been providing you the (x+6) MBPS plan so it never renewed monthly and your speed was always slow. Sorry, Sir."
Six Years. I can't even.
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